


Breathing the Waiting Infinity

by Evitcani



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst With A Bittersweet Ending, Canon Compliant, Gen, Grief, Hope, Past Character Death, There is an Infinity Waiting for You
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 10:58:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13165491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evitcani/pseuds/Evitcani
Summary: John had.He’d had enough.The more serious part of a secret santa gift I picked up. :)





	Breathing the Waiting Infinity

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously this goes into grief with a hopeful note, but please be mindful of that! 
> 
> This takes between the third and second to last time we see John. 
> 
> This was for soldango on Tumblr! There’s a second part to this secret santa, so please look forward to that. (:

There had been a time when there was a world. John put his hand on the echo of a window no more than a square in a building that bowed under opal and shadow. He thought – every day he marked on a self-made calendar like a prisoner tallied a wall – it would come down any time now. Yet there was no more than the groan of steel, a warning to get out that he’d ignored. 

_Had_ ignored. 

It’d never crossed his mind to run. There was no finish line waiting to be crossed or final peace to lie his head. The Hunger had been his escape from eternity. He’d thought it would be the end of forever. 

_Had_ thought. 

He had only one thing to take with him. John flipped the frame on his desk and ripped the picture of his son from The Hunger’s grasp. Somewhere in the darkness, James stared upon an ocean of shadow with eyes made of opal and John had thought – every single moment since he’d stood in a morgue – he’ll come home any time now. He’d ignored the eternally closed door. 

_He_ had ignored. 

In the photo, James was eternally five under the bluest sky of any autumn and smiling. He wasn’t the hollow sentry bleeding technicolor from his nose, but he wasn’t John’s grown son who’d choked on his vows when he’d whispered, “ _til death do us part_ ,” either. John folded his picture with a sub he muffled with his hand and tucked it against his chest. He went to the window and stared at the vast emptiness of the thing he’d thought would fix everything. 

_He_ had thought. 

When they’d still had temples, they’d placed creation into the power of words. Something had spoken in the darkness and infinity had sprung forth. John knew the power of words, but he’d scoffed at the priestess who offered him condolences. Instead, he’d thrown himself into the door that wouldn’t _ever_ open again and stared at the truth of a cruel infinity. He had let his anger guide his way through his darkness. It led to that moment as he stood in the echo of a window in the vast and empty darkness he had made from the things he’d ignored like James when he’d said he needed help. 

He had _ignored_ —. 

Most of the multiverse turned to him as one. They stared blankly through unseeing opal. That door wouldn’t budge, but John finally saw that the window was open. He threw his legs over the ledge and swallowed, staring up so he didn’t see the drop. It’d been a long time since John had been scared, but Merle had given that alongside sadness, alongside hope. He had thought The Hunger would realize the moment he started scooting along the ledge, hugging the brick. It watched blindly and didn’t see him as more than another figure in the darkness. 

Like he had. 

He went as fast as he could stomach to the tiny window in the stairwell. There wasn’t much he could do, but his words wouldn’t just _stop_ having power because the Hunger had sprung from his lips. At least, he hoped not. Instead of darting down like his instincts urged him, John thundered up the stairs and burst onto the roof. His victory podium still stood atop where he had given true form to the angry hum of all of life’s losses. 

Like he had been. 

He rushed forward and tapped the microphone. It gave a harsh, electronic squeal. The Hunger now saw him, but so did most of infinity. John took a deep breath and let himself wonder about what if. He let himself know that there were other doors to open. An infinity of doors he had always stubbornly refused. 

Like he had been afraid. 

He opened his mouth and let go of that impossibly blue sky tucked against his heart. A litany of the memories he’d refused to remember. John poured every ounce of family dinners and first steps and first dances and graduations and the things he had nearly forgotten and all the love that stays behind when someone leaves, half-sobbed into a darkness that didn’t seem to end. It flared bright from his lips and flickered for miles in the infinity that had forgotten the light. Scared faces stared up at him. Their eyes were given but a moment to adjust – to choose another door – before the last parts of the child he’d created faded to nothing. 

Like he had been afraid of. 

John closed his eyes and let himself smile at the imperfect memory of that autumn day, finally seeing the promised light at the end.

**Author's Note:**

> Since this went so serious and I didn’t want anyone to be disappointed, I did a second second fic that’s a bit lighter. Still liked how this turned out! 
> 
> Feel free to follow my [Tumblr](https://evitcani-writes.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Evit_cani).


End file.
